Whether it’s coming from the mainstream or the gay community itself, that aphorism: “bisexuality is just a layover on the way to gay-town” has been slow to disappear. As more bi men come out — and more straight men experiment with kissing their friends, is male bi-phobia finally on the way out?
A new study posits that bisexual men do actually exist (so, yeah bi guys just forget about that 2005 Northwestern study which prompted the Times to make the headline: Gay Straight or Lying?)
Five years after that initial study was released, the Midwest’s first “all bisexual swingers club” popped up. The party was mainly for bisexual men — all of whom are on the DL. Hosts of the party, Tim and Karen, are a couple in their late 40’s to early 50’s with youthful energy. When the two of them began looking into the “swinger/lifestyle scene” they realized Tim’s bisexuality wasn’t going to be accepted. “We put up an online profile, but when we put bi-curious on my side, our profile hits dropped to zero,” says Tim with a Midwestern accent.
Getting some experience gave Tim savvy — there were bi guys in the lifestyle, but there was a code. "Now I know what words to look for on the profile: ‘open-minded,’ ‘up for anything,’ alternative interests’ — those are generally the tip off” he says.
At Tim and Karen’s all-bisexual party, there are glory holes, curtained-off orgy rooms, and upon my arrival, a bang-gang on top of a spiral staircase. Groups of middle-aged men and women mingle in the nude, before disappearing into dark rooms together. It makes the bi-phobia all the more confusing — with all the open sexual exploration, how is this community scared of bi men? “The lifestyle is pretty homophobic,” says Kevin, a lean, tan party-goer. Kevin also says he can’t put “bisexual” on his online profile but notes that — “at the same time, if we did not put that Teri (his petite, blonde wife) is bi, no one would want to play with us either.”
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