Promiscuous Gay Nerd: What Makes Sex Good?

Published: October 23, 2013

 Last year during a visit to San Francisco over New Year’s, I witnessed something truly remarkable. My friend gathered a handful of gays together, poured some freshly brewed tea, and gave an hour-long PowerPoint presentation about the sex he had during the previous 12 months. I’ve seen a lot when it comes to sex. But I’d never before witnessed such a public display of sexual reflexivity. We went through the highlights. We ruminated about what made for a good sexual encounter, and why some were lackluster. It was an educational exercise in perversion that was, truly, exhilarating.

I left his apartment, came back to my friend’s apartment where I was staying, and opened Microsoft Excel. I saved a blank workbook titled “Tricks.xls.” (Nerd alert!) This column is the product of tracking the sex that I’ve been having for the past ten months. People have for years asked me questions about my sex life—How much? How often? How good?—and I really had no way to answer most of them with any precision. I estimate that, in my lifetime, I’ve had sex of some kind with somewhere between 500 and 2,000 guys. That’s a pretty huge range. I wouldn’t be surprised if it were at the high or low end of it because I simply don’t keep track.
It turns out there are benefits to keeping track. When I began this experiment, it was largely out of a desire to know more. I was curious. What makes me tick? I knew the basics, obviously: I generally prefer to get fucked. I like guys with big dicks. And because I live in a college town, I tend to wind up fucking guys a few years younger than me. But what exactly made for good sex? Are there qualities associated with good encounters that I could home in on and better seek out in future partners? And conversely, are there qualities I should steer clear of?

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