Personal Perspective: I'm Not Gay

Published: July 1, 2010

Never was, never will be. I can’t claim to be something I was raised to hate. I’m just me, and I do what makes me feel good. Besides, my folks raised me as a Christian and they would be really disappointed in me if I didn’t live my life in the same steps that they were raised. So I’m not gay, even though I have sex with guys. And no, I’m not in denial. There are just some things about the lifestyle that I don’t do. I don’t club, I don’t go to the Village, I don’t do that Ball stuff, I don’t geek over Beyoncé, I just live my life — I do what I want to do.

There’s such a negative stigma that comes along with identifying yourself as gay. I don’t like feeling like I have to participate in a certain set of actions because of who I sleep with. It’s the same thing as identifying yourself as black or white or Baptist. There’s a set of standards that people automatically are gonna put in your face — that this is what you do because this is who you are. There are so many things that come with the gay stigma that I just don’t want to be a part of. I have a good friend who feels the same way — he avoids labels.

This all began when I was 12 and my best friend was 15. It just started with, "Oh, do this," or, "How does that feel?" and then kind of progressed into full-fledged sex. When I was 15 we got it on, on the floor of my bathroom in the middle of the night. He topped me. But that was it — that was the first and last time I had sex with him. I felt disgusted. I thought that it would be different. There wasn’t anything good about that situation for me.

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