Andrew's Anus and the Proctologist [a LifeLube exclusive, part 4 in a series]

Published: March 1, 2011

I’m Andrew’s anus, and getting the care I need has often been a struggle for Andy.

That was especially true in the mid-1980’s when I had my first wart outbreak. Although I eventually got the surgery I needed, Andy discovered treatment didn’t mean a cure for my HPV (human papillomavirus.)

Andy figured no one could be worse than the pathetic excuse for a doctor he’d recently encountered. His second prospect seemed more professional – there was even an academic air about him. Andy disclosed that he had two immediate issues –anal warts and a recent positive test for the “AIDS virus.”

“I’m a cardiologist,” the doctor replied. “I’m not sure why they referred you to me as this isn’t my area of expertise. Perhaps it’s because I answered a survey expressing interest in continuing education about AIDS?”

The doctor examined Andy and observed, “You look like a healthy young man to me. Frankly it doesn’t seem possible that you have AIDS. Do you mind if I run a test to verify that you are infected?”

Too anxious to fathom the implications of this, Andy agreed.The blood was drawn and the the required referral for me was provided.

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